IT HAD BEEN A TERRIBLE DECISION. It had been a terrible decision, and you were well aware of it. What had possibly made you believe that seeing John on Christmas day was a good idea, what with all the tangled feelings that always came with him? It had truly been a foolish thing to agree to. Of course, you wanted to spend time with him — but it was way too much time that you needed. Time that you did not have the luxury to have, your plane ticket reminded you on the afternoon of the 25th of December as you sat in your hotel room with a present that you had just finished wrapping — for John, when you would see him on that evening.

However, you had now finally decided to take things into your hands. You could not allow yourself to fall for John, not when you were flying back home on the following day, so you had to protect yourself from an unnecessary damage. Plus, he had been so kind to you, that the most hopeful part of you wondered whether maybe he, too, felt about you differently than before. Either way, you could not let whatever was going on between the two of you hurt anyone; neither John, nor yourself.

Your heart heavy from the disappointment that you would probably cause him, or, worse, the prospect that your behaviour would sadden him, you nonetheless did something even worse than agreeing to meeting with John for Christmas in the first place: you bailed out. You texted him that you wouldn't be able to make it in the end, trying to come up with a plausible enough explanation, then hid your phone away so you wouldn't be tempted to make things worse again, if anything worse that this was possible. All you had to do now was return the present, and you would be good to go — good to leave New York behind and, with it, John.

After numbly putting your coat and gloves on, you closed the door to your room and left the building, only carrying with you the gift that you couldn't even bear to look at. As the evening drew closer, it had started to snow, thick snowflakes swirling in the chilly air and coating the city in white layers. It felt like Christmas all around — on that 25th of December, the Christmas decorations and lights seemed brighter and jauntier than ever, the passers-by more joyful, the atmosphere more festive than ever. But as much as you tried to let yourself be fully immersed in the merriment of that day, a dull heartache reminded you the way you had let John down, reminded you that you would never see him again, that you never even said a proper goodbye and that it was the way that he would remember you forever. He had been so kind to you, while you could not even find the right thing to do. Saddened and ashamed, you blinked away the humid blurriness that bleared your sight, taking a deep breath in.
It was your last day in New York, so you better make most of that time. You could still visit Rockefeller Center alone.

When you got there, Fifth Avenue seemed purely magical. Before walking through the alley festooned with Christmas angels in Rockefeller Center, you marvelled at the fairy-tale-like façades of the avenue, aglow with an impressive amount of beautifully-arranged lights, their shades of blue and purple taking turns at shining through the night. It appeared as though in the evening, as soon as the sun had set, the world turned into another place full of wonders and light, making all the inhabitants and tourists of New York gather to be a part of this extraordinary experience.

And Rockefeller Center was no different. With its abundant seasonal illuminations, the gleeful visitors crowding the ice rink and the snow still falling all around, the Christmas spirit really seemed to reverberate everywhere, the air buzzing with animated voices. This evening surely couldn't have been more perfect if it had gone according to plan.

Sighing, a sad smile crossed your face as you kept on walking forward while admiring the magnificent Christmas tree rising up toward the dark sky, its green needles ornamented with colourful neon baubles. Below it, you also did not fail to recognise the bronze Atlas set up on its platform in front of a line of fountains and the ice rink stretching out right next to the Rock Center Cafe, whose window pane framed with blue fairy lights allowed to watch the skaters from the inside of the café, the clientèle being able to delight in a warmer temperature as well as get a glimpse at the wintery scenery of the exterior. So that was it, your last night in New York, among its breathtaking buildings, never-sleeping ambiance and gleaming shop-fronts. That night would have indeed been an incredible moment to spend with John.

Clutching the bag with the present that you had not yet returned tighter, you pursued your tour of Rockefeller center, closing in on the Christmas tree; you also remarked that even the normal trees had been dressed up for Christmas, their branches tangled up in fairy lights among the flags that circled the upper platform above the ice rink. Many people were smiling, holding their phones and cameras up to take some pictures, which made you realise that you had not looked at your phone ever since sending that text to John. Trying not to look directly at the screen while you unlocked it, you also captured the beauty of the place — in lack of an alleviated heart, you at least found comfort in the marvellous scenery in front of your eyes.

And yet, Christmas surprises had not run out.

"Y/n!"

You turned around at the mention of your name, getting struck by utter disbelief as you discovered John making his way toward you.

"John... What... ?" More ashamed than ever, you wished you could disappear, expecting the young man to go off at you, and rightfully so.

"What's going on, Y/n?" The young man inquired, incomprehension having fully taken hold of his features. "I don't get it... What happened? You seemed happy at the prospect of spending Christmas together. Is it something I did?"

"I... John, I'm so sorry," you could not stand to see him hurt, a weigh pressing down on your chest from two opposite directions: you wanted to tell him how much he meant to you, but also to get away before this blew up in your face.

"Why?" he asked again, hopelessly looking for an answer.

"I didn't mean to hurt you, I promise," your voice died out as you met the young man's gaze, reading in his eyes all the confusion which you were responsable for. Your words must have had such an empty sound to them. "I... John, I'm leaving tomorrow."

"Which is why I wanted to spend tonight with you. So we could say goodbye."

"Only... Only I can't say goodbye to you," you suddenly declared, unable to suppress the emotions that you had tried so hard to fight anymore. Not with John standing in front of you like that. "I can't. Because every time I see you, every time you smile, every time you make me laugh, I wish it would never stop. I really like you, John. And if I had spent tonight with you, it would've been even more special, because it's Christmas. Because it's the last night. Because I might've done something as stupid as telling you that I like more than as just a friend."

You paused roughly, catching your breath.
Then he kissed you.

There, in the middle of a crowd in Rockefeller Center, you kissed for the first time, the young man's hand intensely holding your cheek as you kissed him back. Perhaps was it because of Christmas, but it felt right. It felt much more right than any of your painful attempts to push your feelings away.

As you pulled away, John took your hands in his, looking at you intently. There were snowflakes in his hair, the warm glow of lights reflecting in his brown eyes.

"I like you more than a friend too, Y/n. Whatever happens, we'll work this out, I promise you," his face softened. "Lately I've been thinking of going back home for a while, I mean, in addition to coming back for the holidays. I'm not really fulfilled by my job anymore, that's why I took a break from it, and I know that it may sound crazy but... What if this led to something really good? I really enjoyed the time we spent together. So what I'm trying to say is, you might not be alone on that plane tomorrow."

"John... I'm so sorry," you apologised sincerely, realising just how unnecessarily bad you had made this situation. "If only I had known..."

"It's okay," John softly shook his head, rubbing your hand with his thumb. "It's okay. I understand, I wouldn't have done any better in your position. But now you know the whole story. So... Do you still want to spend this evening together?" a hopeful smile landed upon his lips.

"Even after all this?" you felt your heart swell with emotion, John's forgiveness moving you profoundly. If only you had known earlier, none of this would have happened. But tonight was Christmas — a time for love and forgiveness to triumph. And you were not going to waste your chance this time. "If it's okay with you, yes. I would love to spend this Christmas evening with you."

This time, it was you who kissed him, your touch filled with gratitude and affection.

"You came here even though I bailed on you...," you murmured, moved.

"Yes. I missed you, so I came here anyway. Before you cancelled, I wanted to surprise you and tell you that I'd decided to come home for the holidays so we could've seen each other again," the young man explained. "I guess I still had the opportunity to do it, though it was more dramatic than expected," he smiled at you with reassurance, thus letting you know that he was not mad at you.

"I'm so sorry. I'm not sure if it could make this a bit better but... I got you a present," you declared sheepishly, handing John the package that you had been carrying, now so glad that you had not returned it. "It was the gift I was going to give you." The young man unwrapped the package, discovering a wintery snow globe inside. "It was for you to remember our time together," you confessed.

"Thank you so much, Y/n. It's such a beautiful gift," John thanked you warmly, touched by the attention, then put the gift back into its bag so it wouldn't get damaged. "I got you a gift too. How about I give it to you when we're home?"

"That works for me," you smiled, unable to comprehend how you could have got so lucky as you could not tear your gaze away from John.

And, as you exchanged another kiss under the festive lights of Rockefeller Center, you knew that this 25th of December in New York made you believe in the magic of Christmas.